Even though I just opened this blog today (February 21st), I back-posted and back-dated my old posts to keep everything in one place. If you look, you can see that it has been almost a month since I wrote anything. There’s a few reasons for this, really.
It isn’t a lack of inspiration in any form – I have plenty of notes jotted down in a notepad and on my Blackberry. It’s a lack of time devoted to putting anything together. If I could convince myself to retreat into my own space as I need to make some productivity happen, I’d be incredibly prolific! Instead I get tangled up in feeling guilty about needing solitude to accomplish my goals, which don’t always feel important compared to what my family values. Creative productivity isn’t just a frivolous pastime for me – or at least, I really would like to prevent it from becoming such.
The other big stumbling block is that writing no longer serves the same purpose in my life as it once did. Writing poetry started as a cathartic exercise for me. I struggled with some things as an adolescent – stuff that lots of adolescents struggle with, but is by nature kept kind of in the dark. I wrote thinly veiled verses about all of that – and it felt good, so I kept doing it. I eventually earned a little bit of respect in my high school, and I started to try and challenge myself. I started to stretch my creative boundaries a little, writing nonbiographical poetry – but after I graduated I left behind the people who encouraged me to challenge myself like that. Then I went to college, and the only writing I did was of my homework. (So it goes!)
So I struggle when I write with the fact that I feel a little cramped, both environmentally and topically. I was perhaps a little too optimistic in thinking that I would automatically be able to reach outside my comfort zones and immediately produce poetry that didn’t deal directly with my background or my life. For now I am just going to write what I want, and maybe later I will try to challenge myself and stretch those creative limits again. 3 down, 141 to go.